wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
