and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
