if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
