party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
