Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
