Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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