They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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