I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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