if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
