So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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