Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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