There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
