Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
