I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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