I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Randomize
