My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
