So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
