no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
