You're completely useless in the revolution.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
