I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
