Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
