i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The uberlube is also flammable
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
