She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
