either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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