xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
