I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
