My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
