The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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