not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
