I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
