so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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