apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
