Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
