my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
