then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
