So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What a dumb baby whore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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