Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
