she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
