I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
