He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
