He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
