i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
