when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Too much gin, very little bucket
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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