I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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