tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
