elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
