Im at strip club and am horny
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
