I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
