a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
