I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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