watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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