after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
