i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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